11.13.2012

No Longer a Four-Letter Word

When is a door not a door? 

When it’s ajar?

No, silly!

When it’s a decorative entry system.

The door catalog that I’ve been studying today, in preparation for the intimidating front door selection decision that must be made soon for our new house, replaces that tired old word door with some delightfully fancy, frilly terminologyToday, we need to give some credit to the person who came up with the immensely descriptive phrase decorative entry systems. 

I imagine the door people sitting around a conference table brainstorming names for their catalog, and one poor schmuck says, “How about just “Doors?”

His door colleagues shake their heads.  “No, no, no, Jim!” another guy says. “That’s so 2011. We need something with sparkle. Something flashy. Like, Gateways to Happiness. Or, wait! Wait! It’s coming to me. Yes! Decorative Entry Systems!” he says, with a faraway look in his eyes.

“Decorative. Entry. Systems!” he says again, pausing between the words for emphasis, and punctuating each one with hand gestures that practically christen them with glitter dust.

And so, the following is born.

door catalog

You’re on the phone with a friend and you hear a knock. “Oh, excuse me! I have to go. There’s someone at the decorative entry system. Call you later.”

Your husband comes in late from work. “Hi honey, welcome home! Remember to lock the decorative entry system behind you, please.”

Political correctness is has already consumed us. But no longer are simply concerned for women, minorities, and certain religious groups. Now we also need to protect our front entryways from disparaging talk. So remember that next time you cross the threshold to your humble abode.

Dignify with its proper title that thing you have to open to get inside. It is no longer a four-letter word.

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